JUNE 23, 2007, Max's birthday

The story actually begins several weeks before June 23. I had a dream in which Max was born, and the date of his birth was June 23. No kidding. I remember telling my students about the dream, and one of my students said, "Cool! That's my birthday!" I at least have proof that I dreamed June 23.

Anyway, on Thursday, June 21, I was feeling very "weird" in the evening. I can't quite explain it--I just felt weird. I told Brandon as we were laying in bed that I just felt weird and that I could go in to labor. But nothing happened that night. I know now that I was in early labor.

The next day I felt wonderful, but in the evening I was feeling very "weird" again. We both lay in bed reading, unable to sleep. It must have been after 1 AM or so that we finally turned off the lights, but still couldn't sleep. At 2:20 AM, though, I jumped out of bed, caught up in the sheet and stumbling to the bathroom. "Uh.....I think my water broke," I told Brandon. Brandon came in, examined the situation, ran and got a pregnancy book, confirmed it, and we both hurriedly got dressed and ran for the car.

All the way to the hospital I was shaking. I was excited and happy, but so nervous that the day had finally come--and he was 2 weeks early!

After the doctors assessed me and ran some tests to confirm that my water had in fact broken, I was taken to labor and delivery. Gradually my contractions got more and more painful, but I think I was handling the pain pretty well. In fact, I probably could have gone med-free had I not felt so nauseous. I had a wonderful doula, Kim, who did everything she could to make me feel comfortable.

When the doctor first checked me, I was very disappointed. I was completely effaced, but not dilated. She gave me some pill (not sure what it was called) to help with dilation. It made the contractions stronger, but when the doctor checked me again, I was only 1cm. It was then that they offered me the epidural and I went ahead and took it.

Getting the epidural was BY FAR the scariest part of labor. I'm not sure I would get it again if I ever had to. The doctor walked in and said to me in a language barely perceptible as English, "You want epidural? You can get paralysis. You can get nerve damage. You can die. There are all sorts of complications." The guy had no bedside manner and scared the crap out of me. I went ahead and took the offer with the reassurance of Brandon and the doula. But it wasn't scary doctor who gave me the epidural--it was some sort of trainee! During the administration of the epidural, he scared me even more with comments like, "Am I doing it right?," "Should I put this here?," etc. He was new on the job! When I got an electric shock down my right leg, I almost died of fear. He fixed it, and obviously, the rest of the epidural went fine.

The epidural did help with the nausea and the pain. I couldn't feel anything. When the OB checked me again, I was 3-4 cm after she gave me some oxytocin. An hour or so later, I was just 4 cm. It was moving very, very slowly.

And then a couple of hours later (by now it was around 8pm), I said to the nurse, "I think he's coming. I have so much pressure." The doctor came, looked at me, and told me that I was fully dilated and ready to go.

I didn't start pushing until around 8:15 or 8:30. I had no idea what I was doing, but the doula and doctors explained everything to me. It seemed to take a long time to make progress--my first pushes just seemed very futile. But all of a sudden, I could feel the urge to just push and push and get him out. When the head started coming, I had a little bit of pain, and somehow I was able to push him out in like 2 pushes. When he came out, I collapsed and began half an hour of sheer sobbing. He was born after less than an hour of pushing at 9:14 pm. He was 20.5 inches long and weighed 7 pounds, 12.8 ounces.

The doctors took Max immediately and began assessing him. They did not give him to me to hold for half an hour. I was so scared because they were working on him like he was hurt or unhealthy, but it turns out they were just making sure he was OK because I had developed a fever before pushing. They were just being cautious, but it took entirely took long for me. I just lay there sobbing because I was so happy and so relieved but also really needing to see my son and hold him.

While sobbing and waiting, I had to finish the hardest part of labor--the delivery of the placenta. I was so tired that it took several minutes. After that, the doctor told me that I had to stay still because I needed stitches. I apparently suffered a 3rd degree tear and needed suturing.

When I finally got to hold Max, it was instant love and happiness, nothing like I had ever experienced before. Brandon and I just held each other and held him and looked at him with joy written all over our faces.

Now, 3 days later, we are both still in love with our Max. Max is a wonderful child. Yesterday was our first day alone with him, and yes, it was very, very hard. He refused to sleep during the night, and I wasn't much help to Brandon because I am still in so much pain that it takes me a lot longer to just sit up in bed.

But today was a lot quieter. Max did a lot of eating and sleeping. He is really a pretty easygoing kid if he gets his food. He loves to be swaddled and loves to hold our fingers. He likes to look around and examine his surroundings. His eyes are very different--we think they are almost a dark, dark, dark blue-grey. Neither one of us is really sure if he will have brown eyes. I have hazel-green and Brandon has brown, so I guess we will see.

It's hard to see us in Max. We are pretty sure he has my eyes--not necessarily the color, but everything else--and Brandon's nose, but other than that, we can't see anything right now. I guess it will take a long time before we see more of ourselves in him.

Well, that's enough for now.

One more thing--I can't imagine myself being happier. I have a wonderful husband (who really amazes me with his ability to father and love and pick out push presents!) and a beautiful son.

Jennifer