Selflessness

My mother told me that once I had a baby, I would lose all sense of selfishness, that a baby is the one thing that can make any person completely selfless.

While I agree with her to a certain extent--I am always thinking about Max (even now while he sleeps in his crib, or when I am at school, or driving to work)--and I would do anything for him.

Even kill a cricket. Seriously. Anyone who knows me knows I would never intentionally hurt or kill a living creature, but a couple of days ago, there was a cricket jumping around in Max's room while I held him while trying to put him to sleep. I don't know why, but I just did not want a cricket in the room with my son, so I was getting ready to squish him when I realized I could just cover him up (the cricket, not Max) with a bowl and have Brandon dispose of him outside.

How did I get to the cricket again? Oh yeah--I would do anything for Max, which is an act of selflessness, right?. I want Max to be whatever he wants to be, to get whatever he wants to get, to experience all that there is to experience.

That is selfless.

But what is selfish, and arrogant, I suppose, is that I love seeing myself in Max. There is no better feeling in the world than to be holding him while he's sleeping and look down at him and just see myself.