What makes me a good mom....

I know that each person is her harshest critic, and I am constantly berating myself and calling myself a terrible mother. While I really don't think I am a terrible mother, I do wish there are some things I had done or could have happened differently.

First, I wish life were perfect and I was super rich and could work just part-time. I really don't want to ever be a stay-at-home mom (I'd go CRAZY), but I do think I could handle part-time. I could still be with Max more but also have a job to keep me busy. I am gone every day from 6:15 AM until 3:15 PM (and until 4:15 on Thursdays), and I really hate being away from Max for that long.

I also wish I had video-taped Max's birth. We have pictures, thanks to the doula, but I wish I had video. I didn't want video originally because I thought it would be gross, but now that the birth is over and done with, I wish I had a video to watch because I remember so little. I was so exhausted and just overwhelmed with emotion--there was so much to take in and I didn't have the energy to take it all in--that I don't really have that many memories of his birth. I just remember crying.

Perhaps the one thing I regret most is something I had absolutely no control over. I wish I had been able to hold Max as soon as he was born. Instead, because I had been in labor forever and had developed a fever and needed oxygen and all that good stuff, they had to thoroughly check Max out as soon as he was born. I didn't get to hold him for 30 minutes until after he was born, and the whole time, I just lay there and cried for my baby. There's all sorts of research about how vital those first few minutes of life are for a baby and his emotional connection with his parents, and I just hope I won't miss out because the doctors were working on him and me and I didn't get to hug and kiss him until much later.

But despite all that, I do have to give myself some kudos. Like I said, there are things I wish could have happened differently, but for all intents and purposes, I think I'm a pretty good mom.

I know how to hold him just right. No one else can get Max to sleep as fast as me. No one else knows how to hold just the way he likes it when he is really sleepy and needs help falling asleep.

No one else does paddycake the way Max and I do. We have our own special version that no one else knows (primarily because it changes every time we do it).

I'm not afraid to make an idiot of myself, especially when playing with Max.

If there's a cup of coffee to be had and Max is crying and I have to choose what to go to, I'd go to Max.

I read every pregnancy book there was and took such good care of myself while pregnant. Didn't even drink coffee (or at least caffeine), if you can believe that. Didn't color my hair, didn't have any alcohol, didn't get my heart rate above 140 bpm, didn't eat funky cheeses, didn't do anything that could possibly be detrimental to Max's development.

I really don't watch that much tv anymore. I can only think of 3 shows I watch (2 on Wednesday and one on Thursday). I don't want Max to watch tv, despite what the pictures lead you to think (we just took pics of him in his bumbo with the remote because we thought it was cute).

I know what sort of socks a male should wear, and I won't let him walk out of the house with inappropriate socks.

I have given Max at least one kiss (but really more like 100 kisses) every day since he was born. I kiss every morning before I leave and as soon as I pick him up when I come home in the afternoon.

I love Max more than I have ever loved anyone before.

That's all for now.