Max's first Thanksgiving and Mom's gratitude

Yesterday, Brandon, Max, and I went power shopping for about 4 hours. Brandon and I had intended to buy ourselves something fun--neither one of us can recall when we bought something for ourselves--but of course we ended up just buying stuff for Max. Max got 4 books, 2 sets of blocks, the little hoop thing, a sweatshirt, and the Laughing Puppy.

One of the books Max got was called "On the Day You Were Born." I decided to read it to Max last night (we read a book every day--I really think Max will love to read because he seriously acts like he loves it. He holds the book with me, stares at the pictures, and smiles at me as I read.)

I ended up crying.

I know it's just a kid's book, but it really is such a powerful read. It's about all the love for a baby and how the world was just waiting for the baby to come.

After I read it, I wiped away the tears (of joy), I began feeding Max and rocking him to sleep. As I rocked him, I thought about just how much I love him, and how grateful I am to have him in my life.

I know it sounds so cheesey, but I feel like a better person because of Max. To an extent, I feel like a different person because of him. I never really thought that there was anything different between mothers and non-mothers, but there really is. I don't think someone who is not a mother can understand just how much love I have. And I'm not trying to belittle adoptive mothers or c-section mommies, but it just seems like the act of delivery itself is such a powerful moment, and my body and heart has been forever changed because of it. It's not just the physical and biological changes that have made me different, but I honestly feel like my heart and soul and spirit have changed. It's almost like I don't know if a non-mommy could ever really connect with me or understand me. I am so different now.

I love my Max. And I am grateful for my Max.

I loved holding him that very first time. I was so tired, so thirsty, so emotionally and physically drained. And even though my stomach was empty, my heart became so full of love for him.

I have loved watching him grow from a tiny little squirt to a miniature person.

I love holding him really tight against my chest and watching him sleep, his eyes closed and his little heart pounding very quietly in his chest.

I love reading to him. I hope he loves to read just like I do.

I love playing with him.

I live to see him smile, and there is no greater joy in my heart than hearing him laugh. My day has not been made until I see that little grin and hear that sweet little giggle.

Max has really made me learn to love more. And love better. I sincerely feel I am a better teacher because of him; I see each of my students now as some momma's baby, and I want to give that momma's baby the best because I know I want my own baby to have the best.

Happy first Thanksgiving, little buddy. Your momma loves you.