For the past three months, I have been struggling to somehow deal with my father's diagnosis of cancer. I am certain that I am not alone in saying that the past three months have been the most emotionally difficult time of our entire family's lives. I need to write--writing has always been a part of me--and yet it just hurts too much to write about it right now. Just writing this, I think, is a big step for me.
While I will never call cancer a gift, as I have heard other cancer patients and their families call it, I cannot deny that cancer is now making me look at life much, much differently. I realize now how important it is to be happy, and not just happy, but truly, truly happy because everything can change in an instant. I realize now how essential it is to love and be loved and to not let a day pass by without telling your loved ones you love them. And I realize how important it is to take care of yourself.
Each day is a struggle for me and I feel guilty for saying that because I can only imagine how difficult it is for my father. Each day something reminds me that my life just isn't the same anymore and it never will be again. I know how cliche it sounds, but I just keep thinking that one day I will wake up and find out this has all just been a really, really bad dream.
One can wish, right?
1 comment:
Been wanting to respond to your writing, but aso find it hard to do. Anyway, its sad to see family and friends suffer because of your illness. But you are right in that it brings closeness and strenth to each other. Hopefully, it will just a dream for everyone. Love, Dad
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