Letters to Max

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Super Intelligent Things Momma Has Taught Max

-how to spit
-how to stick out our tongue
-how to make a frowny face
-"oh sh*t" (and this I am NOT proud of--trying to change it to "oh snap")
-how to roar!
-how to fake cry to get what we want
-how to hit the table and say "bad table" when we bump into the table
-how to put our feet in Miss Pippi's face so that she will lick them
-how to wipe when we go potty (he seriously tears the toilet paper and pretends to wipe as if he is a woman)
-super cool dance moves
-how to jump
-how to pick our nose
-how to throw stuff in the shopping cart that we want (without Dad noticing)
-how to moisturize our skin
-the art of applying make-up (Max particulary likes chapstick)
-how to pick locks

****In an effort to be balanced, Super Intelligent Things Daddy Has Taught Max****
-how to do important things on the computer
-how to make Momma's coffee
-how to blow soap suds off our fingers/toes
-how to turn on and off lights
-how to put the dog bowls up on the fridge
-how to fill the dogs' water bowls

Posted by maxfortino at 4:21 PM

1 comment:

grandpa joe said...: We got to witness his super cool dance moves. Sure knows how to shake that 'booty'.; April 5, 2009 at 8:39 PM

Me and my assistant working on Grandma's hair

Me and Papa

Decorating the Christmas tree

Just brushing Grandma's hair

With me and my cousins

Me, Papa, and Tammy Faye

Where's Max?

Candy!

Ok, let's go, Mama! Trick or treat!!!!

Trick or Treat!

Fall!

I'm not sure how we managed to get this shot.

At the U-City Homecoming Parade

Watchin toons

In the corn maze at the pumpkin patch

At Sunday Parkways

Check it out--I'm on a slide in a bouncie thingamabobber at the farm

With Mom on the train at the farm

How tall does this thing say I am?

Check it out--I got a Big Boy Pillow and Blankie

And yet I still sleep in a crib.

Look at me in the tractor

petting the pretty kitty

at the Science Center

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Super Lame!

Feeding the fish at Bennett Spring

Happy birthday and father's day

birfday cake

Playing in the hose

Mee-ilk (that's Max-talk for "milk")

feeding the baby goats at Grant's Farm

Tina, come get some dinner!

Eat the food!

I'm cookin' a treat. Just need a cup o' cereal, milk, and plenty of sprinkles.

Yummmmmmmm.......Treat.

Push...

Do it, dammit.

Hey, this looks like a cool shirt.....

Please note: this is the only time J's underwear will be seen on the 'net. Enjoy.

It fits!

Okay, I'm ready to drive my bus now.

Come on, Baby, let's go for a ride on this towel.

Baby--pee!

Gotta wipe....

Flush!

Let's do some painting...

Tools of the trade, dude.

I'm an excellent painter.

I got paint on my fingers. See?

Gimme that camera!

Ready, aim, fire.

What's up with Dada's face here?

I got Spidey trunks. Do you?

Wawa.

That's Max-speak for "water."

playing with my neighbor

Just me and some old fogies

Look at how cool I am--I got my hands in my pockets.

Mr. Max: A self portrait

one of the 36 pictures Max took of himself.

What happened to my hair?

Hey. Like my new table. It's got cars.

Just eatin' some dinner at my new big boy table.

Hey. I'm waiting to get a haircut. Not sure what that means, but it looks interesting.

Hey, wait a minute! What's going on here?!

Why are you doing this to me?

NOOOO!!!!!! This sucks!!!!!!!!!

HHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I'm not talking to you anymore

Aren't we cute?

Drawing on the chalkboard with Grandpa.

Huntin' for Easter eggs. I think I found one.

Puttin' the eggs in my basket.

Get off me. Now.

Cuddling with Mom

Hello? Test, check. Is this thing on?

Hi!

Like my new shoes?

Mom and Max cuddling on the couch

Note Pippi eyeing Max's snack.

Max's mess.

Utter defeat.

Max wins again.

Dad and Max at the zoo.

Ooooooooooh--monkeys.

Crikey! Have a look at this massive King Cobra from the Egyptian desert!

I know I look pretty trashy, but I am smart. Really.

I pity da foo that make fun of my bling!

Note: I put this bling on by myself. No parents were involved...

What's cooler than bein' cool? You're lookin' at it, dude.

Come on, Baby, let's go for a ride.

I'm trying to get into the Guinness Book...Or maybe Ripley's...

Yes, I did it! A new world record!

I'm training to run a marathon with Mommy. Seriously. Look how serious I am. Really.

I'm really fast!

Guess who...

Photo courtesy Miss Lindsey

Ha-ha! It's me! Mr. Max!

Photo courtesy Miss Lindsey

I'm playin da foosball!

What? I don't have anything.... Really.

Cousin Hannah trying to get me to play ball.

Hey, Cousin Owie, can I have a sip of that?

Birthday Party for Grandpa Terry

Hi!

Me and Mom and my antique doll from 1984

Me and Dad and my raggedy ole baby from 1984

Family Portrait.........

My tongue is red now. See?

Just eatin' a popsicle. Mmmmmmmmm, cherry....

I'm ready for my panty change now...

Me and Lucy doggie.

Playin' in the snow.

This is not my child.

Mmmmmmmmmmm........

Eating puddin' by the door.

I'm cool and you're not.

just being cute

Grandpa, Max, and Hammy (I mean, Tammy)

Don't mess with me. I'm eating my 543573902570234750th cookie.

I like my new shopping cart. I like to go shopping.

check out my new dump truck.

just eating some Christmas candy

check out my bling

It loses its luster after Feb. 17, 2009.

just eating Santa's cookies

just driving because Grandma Ice locked us out of the house

She gave us keys that did not work to her house. On purpose.

sitting in my panties and slippers watching Meet the Press

Mr. Photogenic Take 2

I just woked up. Like my 'do?

I'm busy doing important things. Is $30000 too much for a titty?

Cuddling with Small Cow, I mean, Tammy

I'm funny. I have a bagel in my mouth. Hahahaha.

Mr. Photogenic

Yes, that is his foot on the table...

Dr. Evil

So, Mr. Max was scribbling and decided to put the crayons in his mouth. We tried to tell him "no" and get the crayons from him, as you can see, and this is what we have to deal with: a child that laughs and doesn't listen to his parents. Turd.

I'm pretty good at drawing things. Probably the best that I know of.

Just eatin' some olives out of my bus. What's wrong with that?

Oh yeah! Check out my bling!

Me in my fort.

I like ketchup, especially with Captain Crunch.

on a mission

with my cousins

How do you do this trick or treat thing?

See what a hippie I am?

At the Homecoming Parade with Dad. I got lots of beads cuz I am cute and the ladies like me.

I got paint on my butt

Mama's helpin me paint

Just doin some sidewalk painting

I'm grumpy.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm swingin' in a tire!

Hey, moo-moo. My name's Mr. Max.

Hi!

Hey, look at me! I'm a farmer!

Why am I sitting with all these punkins?

Pettin' some goats at the pumpkin patch

Dirty face

Tilling the earth

sword-fighting

Brandon bringing the baby lovingly back into the house for a bath (post mud eating)

Just eating some mud

Playing in a puddle of mud

Night night.

Sitting in my chair.

This is me at 6:01 in the morning.

Oh, man. What a mess....

I'm pretty.

What? I'm just eatin' here....

Playing with my new toys

At the field hockey game drinking some DP

Max and the vultures

At the football game

All of my students were running up to Max saying how adorable he is. I think he should be the new UCHS mascot.

Max running around the stadium at the UCHS football game

i'm cute. you're not.

holla

giggle fest

going through momma's wallet

mind if i play with your toy, doggy?

look at them puppy dog eyes

it's off to school

can I see your new camera?

Peek-a-boo!

photo courtesy Miss Lindsey

Max playing peek-a-boo with a collander (smart kid)

photo courtesy Miss Lindsey

Max and Brendan

Look at the vultures hovering around the baby eating a cookie (poor kid)

Playing with the door (he likes to open and close it 757204750275 times a day)

I think he got Mom's hair

Max's hair is normally quite curly in the back--he still doesn't have enough hair up front to curl. He's working the receding hairline look. It's all the rage in Paris.

Max carrying his woolly mammoth

Swinging at the park

Waving my fan at the parade

Everybody loves a 4th of July Parade

The new trick that Momma taught me--sticking out my tongue

playing on a Saturday morning (yes, I do have a bowl on my head)

eatin' ice cream

Me on my actual birthday

Eating birthday cake

I love my new wagon! It's the perfect place to put your feet up.

Eating hot dogs (with my foot on the table)

Check out my new ride (one of the, at least)

Look at all my new toys.

I liked my balloons.

I like my new intelligent toy.

making a dent in our presents

I don't think Max has enough presents yet.

Seriously.

an attempt at taking our pic before the concert

It's not a see-gar (it's a cookie--promise)

Crazy fun swimming

Crazy baby doing God-knows-what to the mesh of his playpen

Being a trashy half-naked baby with a scooter

How much is that doggie in the window??

See my toofers?

Damn the paparazzi

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Super fun swinging

At the park

Swimming in a sea of animals

Dimple cheeks

The bath tub is the most amazing place in the world (according to Max)

In my new wagon

Max and the Grass

Max, Dad, and Giraffe

Like my shades? I don't.

Max and Mom as Otters

Max, Mom, and Goat

Hence the reason for my vote. Note how both Max and Shelley have a vampire tooth.

What dog does Max look like the most?

There is absolutely no reason why our child would think he is a dog. No reason at all.

Momma and Max taking off our socks and cracking up about it

Check out the way I slept

Since Max likes to sleep on his tummy, he periodically gets giant creases in his face from folds in the sheet or something. I like this pic because he is still half asleep with a giant red spot on his little face.