True Confessions

(of Jennifer, not Max)
1. I smuggled a margarita to the pool today and drank it while I read in the lounging chair.
2. I hit Shelley with a can of biscuits this morning. Complete accident, though. I was trying to get the sucker opened and it slipped out of my hands, landing on Shelley's head.
3. I sat Max in front of the tv today for over an hour so that I could clean the house and Brandon could mow the yard.
4. I watched a squirrel bounce around my screened in porch. At last I know who/what has been eating the bird food I keep stored there! That damn squirrel has been using his opposable thumbs or something to get into the porch and eat the bird food. Not really a confession, but it cracked me up and thought I would share.
5. I bribed my kid with two new toy cars so that he would sit in the shopping cart while we did our grocery shopping this morning. And when he wanted a snack, I just opened the rice chips and gave it to him to munch on while we shopped around. We paid for everything, of course.
6. I watched Max grunt and strain and get red in the face (which usually means he's pooping), and waited the five minutes till Brandon got back to acknowledge that he pooped. I have, in fact, done this a few times since Max has been born, and I wouldn't be surprised if Brandon has done the same.
7. I washed and folded 3 loads of laundry today--everything but the socks. I hate folding socks, so I just throw them in the laundry basket, and when you need socks, you just go fishing in the basket for them. Works well.
8. Max brought a tiara (don't ask me why he has one) with him on our dog walk this afternoon. He kept dropping it and then crying for it, and I threatened to not give it to him the next time he dropped it, but I gave it to him anyway.
9. I don't think I put deodorant on today. And I walked 5.5 miles. In 90 degree heat. "Gross!" as Max would say.
10. I taught Max how to say "bite me."