Baby 2

will arrive in July. I found out at 4 in the morning the second week in November, but had actually "known" I was pregnant on November 1 (I'm one of those freaks who is ridiculously in touch with my body). I had been terrified of taking a pregnancy test because I didn't want another negative, and so the night before I told a friend that I would be testing the next morning. The next morning I woke up at 4 am and peed on a stick. I watched it as it looked to me like a negative sign (my heart broke) and then as it grew into a positive sign (my heart smiled). I stared at it and then woke Brandon up and asked him to verify that it was indeed a positive. And it was. Just to be sure, I tested again after school that same day and got another positive. Brandon and I were on top of the world. We made a video announcing the pregnancy and were planning on telling family at Thanksgiving.

But then on November 22, I fainted. Not once, but twice. Total loss of consciousness and blacked out, falling onto the floor. We sat there debating about calling someone and then gave in. I was taken to the hospital and hours after my initial arrival I was told that I did not have a viable pregnancy (it was either ectopic or a blighted ovum) because they could not see anything beyond the gestational sac. The ER doc said I would be admitted to the hospital and would likely have a D &C later that week.

I was heartbroken.

After I was discharged from the hospital, I followed up with my regular OB (the woman who delivered Max) and she still couldn't see anything. She took my blood and saw that my numbers were still rising, so suggested I come back in another week for another ultrasound.

That week of not knowing and thinking I had a failed pregnancy was very hard, but I think a part of me was certain my pregnancy was healthy and normal, and so was reassured. Remember--I'm the freak who is ridiculously in touch with her body, and I just felt pregnant.

On Monday, November 30, we saw the little bean--heartbeat and everything and the doctor declared everything healthy. From blighted ovum to a heartbeat in a week. This pregnancy was meant to be.

We have decided not to find out the sex of this little one. I really want to experience the surprise of waiting to find out on the day of delivery. I want that joy and surprise at least once. We will not be sharing names, but we have already decided on them. And to a certain extent I already feel like I know what sex this baby will be and what the name will be because one day a few weeks ago, I lifted a book from the bookshelf and the book literally fell open to a page (not by my doing) and in big, bold letters was the name Brandon and I had decided on if it were this particular sex. Coincidence? We shall see.