When it rains, it pours

I have barely had time to grieve over the loss of our baby (but the gaining of an angel), and already my heart is crying again with the news that my dad's cancer has spread even more in just the few short months since his last surgery.

I hurt. And I know my mom, dad, and sisters hurt.

And yet despite all of this pain, I find myself glad that I have always believed in the genuine goodness of mankind. I have always believed that people are good at heart--and if that's what you believe, you will find that people will be good to you.

It was just a little thing, and I know he probably didn't think it would give me the first smile of the day, but I stopped by the McDonald's on the way to school this morning. Prior to my pregnancy, I used to drink a cup of coffee at home, and then I would pull through the Mickey D's drive-thru on the way and get a second cup to sip on during the first period of the day. Haven't been there since November, and today was my first visit.

"Hey, long time, no see!" he said as he collected my $1.08.

It wasn't necessarily what he said, but the happiness with which he said it--the genuine happiness to see me--that made me happy.

Cup of coffee in hand, I entered the teacher workroom to check my mailbox. And there in my mailbox was a card from the secretary, sending sympathies to me for the hard time I am going through right now.

This coming from the secretary that 95 percent of the faculty are afraid of (she's one of "those" sorts of secretaries, if you catch what I'm saying). I've heard words such as "impersonal," "scary," "mean," "bitch," and "unapproachable" used to describe her, and yet I have never had anything but a positive experience with her. She's always been there to give me a hug when I need one most--she just knows. She always asks about my dad to see how he's doing every single time I see her (which is more than I can say for people who should be asking about him).

I continue to my classroom, and my groupies start to arrive. There's about 6 kids or so that hang out in my room every morning before classes begin. They're not all the greatest students in the world, but they have good hearts and have always treated me with kindness and respect.

I hadn't told very many students about the miscarriage--not quite sure how to do it--but I did tell my Latin 5 students (and that in the form of writing because I just couldn't "talk" to them about it) simply because I have known them for 5 years and think of them as my little brothers/sisters/children. But I'm not stupid and I know kids talk.

One of these kids that apparently heard the rumor walked up to me this morning and handed me a card. I don't remember everything it said, but it was to the effect that no one understands why bad things happen to good people.

The fact that a 15 year old boy that I am constantly telling to shut up in class had the heart to get me a card just makes me happy (perhaps because it came from the kid I least expect such a card to come from). I don't want sympathy, but for whatever reason, it just made me feel a little better.

And he is right. Bad things happen to good people all the time, not just to me, not just to my family. There are thousands (millions?) of women that have had miscarriages, too. There are millions of people whose lives are affected by cancer. Every single second something bad happens to someone good, but I think the pain and suffering caused by all of these bad things is lightened to an extent if you believe that people themselves are good.

Believing in good just feels good.

It's interesting to me to watch people in times like this. How does someone act when they themselves are in a time of crisis? What do they do for others when they are experiencing suffering? True character is revealed, and often that character is not what you would expect. An ill-behaved 15 year old boy shows that he has a bigger heart than the brother of a man who has lost his child. An "unapproachable" and "mean" secretary shows that she cares more than she lets the rest of the world think. A fast food worker hands over so much more than a cup of coffee. An atheist does more soul-searching than most Christians in order to let her sister know just how sorry she is. For everything.

I started off this post with the title "When it rains, it pours." Obviously I was originally referencing the fact that not only did I experience the loss of a child but also the news of my dad's further metastases within days of each other.

But now I also think I mean that when it rains goodness, it pours it, too. I wasn't expecting to receive all of the goodness that I did today, but I sure am glad it rained.