Hope you're not toooooo attached.....

because Max has GOT to go.

His first real discriminate word is not mama. Not even dada.

BUT DOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's been saying mama and dada for forever now and "da" also for dog, but he truly, really knows what he's saying when he says "da" or "doggy." I still don't think he has a clue when he says mama or dada.

And in fact that's pretty much all he says now. He runs up to one of the dogs and says "da" or "doggy."

I hate him. I mean, I was in labor 19 hours and had a near-death experience with my freaking epidural, and his first real word is DOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Max's Skills: A Cumulative List at 1 Year

-sticking out tongue (I have been working on this for a while, and we have finally seen success with this most excellent skill).
-is able to steal stealthily other children's toys when playing at the mall.
-Understands the following very important commands: can you get that light for me, give that ball to that doggy, find momma/daddy, pet that doggy/say hi to that doggy, bring me that book/toy/shoe/titty, come here, don't you dare (which he interprets as "do that, please")
-Walking (he started literally at 12 months. He can go about 50 steps and walks from his room to the kitchen.
-Can climb the stairs from the basement to kitchen.
-Knocks things on the side of the bathtub into the tub 2 times daily.
-Is able to barge in on momma/dadda unexpectedly when momma/dadda is urinating and thinks this is a funny joke.
-Has discovered the fun one can have with a roll of toilet paper.
-Knows--and likes--that a soup bowl can make a wonderful helmet.
-Dance moves are quite impressive.
-Can feed dogs the food that he is supposed to be eating. It's funny to watch because it appears as if he is taking turns giving each dog their own share.
-Can open and close the kitchen door.
-Can stick own toes in mouth.
-Waves bye-bye.
-Can laugh at his own toots.
-Can produce squeals that break the sound barrier.
-Says the following words: momma, dadda, huzzah, oh shit/bullshit, da (for dog), quadratic formula, encyclopedia

Based upon this list, Max is clearly a very gifted young man. I mean, how many 1 year olds even know what "quadratic formula" means?

I rest my case.

Max: Even the Trannies Love Him

We were at the post office today mailing off the 1 year pics and we were waited on by a tranny. 4 real. This was the MANliest woMAN I have ever seen. Anyway, s/he just loved Max. "SHE is soooooooooooooooooooo cute," s/he exclaimed. "SHE is going to be a real heartbreaker!"

Yes, s/he did confuse Max for a girl--despite the fact that he was wearing blue.

But whatever--it doesn't matter because it just shoes how even trannies can tell a cute baby when they see them.

In other news, Max had his 1 year appt today. He weighs 22 lbs, 3 oz (a little below average) and is a bit over 30 inches tall (just above average). So we're still skinnnnny!!!!

Max's email to Dad

> i'm pretty popular. my name is max. i just got back from the mall. it> was fun. mom was proud of herself because she opened the stroller, drove> us there, and got us back. she was not able to close the stroller,> though. hahahahahahahahahahaha. i made 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend.> he was weird. one of my girlfriends kept holding my hand and hugging me.> my other girlfriend was older and was helping me climb on things. my weird> boyfriend was really freaking me out. he was prolly like 4 years old and> was crawling and walking right next to me with his face in my face. super> freaky. and now i'm back and mama made me a snack which i fed to the> dogs. then i shat and she cleaned it up. i am popular.

(editor's note: Mr. Max played at the kids' play area at the mall and was apparently quite popular.)

Happy Birthday, Max!!!!!!!!!

Mister Max would like to thank everyone for attending his birthday bash and for all of the wonderful gifts he received. Thank you.

***

Right now Max is in his pig pen with his ass in the air, bouncing it up and down, and sticking his head inside the seat of his school bus while grunting. Strange child, but I love him anyway.

***

While we were taking a stroll this morning, I was trying to think about what I should write in his blog--I mean, it is his birthday, after all. I was trying to think about what I was doing this time last year--had I had the epidural yet? Was I still begging for some water? Who was with me? I was trying to think about how much he has grown--from a tiny little baby who did nothing but eat, sleep, cry, and poop, to a little boy who is now developing his own personality (and quite the crazy personality indeed--by the way, his ass is still bouncing in the air and his head is still in the bus).

I decided that the one thing I should write about is the thing I am most proud of--and that's that Max is a kind, loving, happy baby. I am so proud that other people seem to think that all he does is smile and laugh (apparently that's what a great-grandparent thinks), and while that is not entirely true (trust me--he can throw a hissy fit when necessary), it is a pretty accurate summation of my little boy.

I am proud that he seems to know how much both Brandon and I love him. He knows the word "hugs" and gladly gives me a "hugs" when asked. He loves to put his head on our laps and smile while we say, "aaaaahhhhhh." I guess I am just proud of myself and of my husband for teaching our son how to love and be nice.

(Oh no. I think he just made a poopy. Either that, or a dog passed gas. Maybe that's whay his head was in the bus--he was trying to hide from me).

Be right back.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

I can't wait to go to the ball game!

Love,
Mister Max

Let the shopping begin....

We have been birthday shopping for Mr. Max and so far we have purchased:
-Thomas the Engine chair (that's the "theme" for his party)
-5 outfits
-Birthday Boy Crown
-5 books
-Elmo
-Cookie Monster
-stuffed giraffe and stuffed monkey
-one stuffed dinosaur
-2 stuffed chime ball toys (elephant and frog)
-flower thing
-ball set
-10 bibs
-Fisher Price Ride and Play School Bus
-Imaginarium Pull Along Bead Maze
-Play Town Pet Store
-Fisher Price Song and Story learning chair
-Play Town fire truck
-popcorn popper thingy

Brandon has to hide the presents from me, otherwise I will give them to Max ahead of time and go out and buy more.

And the concert was.....

excellent.

Who cares if we were surrounded by overly intoxicated people throwing their clothes all over the place, making obscene gestures, and passing out on the steps in their own vomit? Big deal. It was fun.

Brandon and I had a great time--it was just nice to be by ourselves for a bit. I guess we are both bad parents because neither of us was particularly upset about leaving Max overnight with his grandparents. In fact, honestly, we wanted a break and needed one, too. Everyone I have talked to has asked me if we missed Max like crazy, but really, we didn't. Had I left Max for a couple of nights with someone other than his grandparents, I probably would have been a little heartsick. But considering this is the 2nd night I have been away from him in almost a year, it was a much-needed break. We both agree we have to do it again.

Max apparently missed us a bit, though. He refused to let his grandparents rock him to sleep, and so they had him put himself to sleep in his own crib. He eventually did fall asleep on his own, but the poor little guy missed out on about 3 hours of sleep (he normally sleeps 6-6, but he slept from 8-5 last night), so he was exhausted. I put him to sleep around 5-5:30 this evening because he was begging for it. Poor buddy.

*****

While we were at the concert, we sat right behind a very cute family--mother, father, 2 sons (about 10-12 years old). Despite the fact that normally I would have been cursing the mother out because she was shaking her boooooooooty right in front of me and really getting into the concert, I couldn't help but just watch admiringly at her and her family (and consequently forgive her for her booty-shaking). I loved watching how she was herself and the kids respected her for that--the younger son even got up and was shaking his own tush with her, and the older son, albeit rolling his eyes, was singing along to the music. Mom was holding her son's hand while dancing and you could just sense that this was a family of love. I want to be like that.

How to make Max like you

become a tall shoe salesman.

Mister Max's First Birthday Details!

We will celebrate the Mister's first birthday on Saturday, June 21 at our house. We plan on BBQ-ing because Mr. Max has taken a liking to hot dogs. We will have 2 cakes--one for the Mister and one for everyone else. Ice cream will also be provided because Max had that for the first time this weekend and loved it. Festivities will begin at noon and last until the wee hours of the morn.

Gifts that The Mister Max would desire:
-supa fly wagon--soon to be PURCHASED
-stuffed dinosaurs
-Fisher Price Bounce And Spin Zebra--PURCHASED
-Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Learning Kitchen
-Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Song and Story Learning Chair--PURCHASED
-Fisher Price Little People Animal Sounds Farm

RSVP!!!!!
And let us know what you are gonna get Mr. Max so that way we know what not to get him.

BYOMASFYC!!!! (Bring your own margaritas and sugar for your coffee)

I must be crazy, I know I make Max crazy, and Brandon makes other babies cry

Just last night I was watching "Knocked Up," a movie about a woman experiencing an unexpected pregnancy. It's a terrible movie full of cheap humor and a contrite plot, but all throughout it, I found myself wanting another baby. I even went to school today figuring out the best year to have another (spring 2010, or so I determined)--that's how much I was really, really seriously thinking about how desperately I wanted another.

And then I come home and it takes me 30 minutes to put Max to sleep and 3 minutes after I put him down, he wakes up crying and I go in there again. Tired. Exhausted. Drained.

I'm pretty certain that people regret not having another baby and generally don't regret having it, but as I was rocking Max to sleep that second time, I started thinking about how I am not sure there would be much left of me were we to have another. Let's face it--I put 110 percent into everything I do, from being a mom to being a teacher, and that leaves very, very little time for just me being me. A problem all working mothers face, I know. And yet that's the time that I crave a lot(probably because it is such a rarity in my life right now)--that half hour I spend walking by myself is often one of the most relaxing parts of my day.

*******

I make Max go crazy. This has been determined by both myself and Max's sitter. As soon as I arrive to pick him up after school, he screams in excitement and runs (er, crawls) around supa fast laughing and giggling. Lindsey is certain that he is trying to show off for me or something because he apparently just chills all day and is fairly lazy. It's pretty fun to watch and makes me laugh every single time.

Brandon, on the other hand, makes other children cry. He has made Brendan cry at least 2 times just by coming into the house. Weird, huh? I knew Brandon was ugly, but I did not know he was that ugly.

My first Mother's Day...

was nice.

Max got me a beautiful pendant with his name and his birthstone along with some delectable See's candies (my favorite). We went out to brunch and had a nice time.

I've been thinking all day about what I could write for my first mother's day entry. It's now almost 8pm, and I still don't know what deep and profound thing I could say that I have not said before. Max is my life, something I did not know until he was born. It's amazing how aimless you can wander your whole life, not knowing what you are meant to do, and then finally have the moment of clarity where you finally just know.

Of course I have other things I want to do--write and teach--but everything seems--no, is--trivial in comparison to teaching my son everything I want to teach him, doing everything I need to do in order for him to really, truly know how much I love him.

And I think he does know how much his momma loves him. I know he's not even a year old, but I think he would willingly choose to hang out with me if given a choice. Given the alternative (hanging out with either da-da or the doggers), I think I would be the more appealing choice. Duh.

In all seriousness, Max has offered me a new beginning and a new opportunity to enjoy life.

And I'm gonna take it and run.

Look at me, Mommy!

Max loves to sit in the grass--I think he likes the texture of it between his toes or something. He'll sit in the grass and do nothing but kick his naked little feet around, the grass getting between his tootsies. He does a similar thing in the bath tub--kicking the water around with his feet, his feet moving so fast, it's hysterical.


Anyway, one of the things Max likes to do when he's sitting outside in the grass kicking his feet is pick up bits of grass or leaves and hold it up in the air. He turns around to me and holds it up so that I can see it as if he is wanting approval or something. "Good job!" or "What a smart boy you are!" I say, and he smiles.

I like that.

Max's first.....earthquake!!!!!

April 18, 2007 4:37 AM
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, Max woke up about 10-15 minutes before the earthquake, going WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! So, either the kid has ESP or something OR (and this is the more likely scenario) he's teething and he just happened to wake up 10 minutes before a 5.4 earthquake hit and shook the entire house.

Brandon and I were trying to ignore Max's crying when the earthquake hit. Neither one of us had any idea what it was--we actually thought it was a big storm and wind or something that shook the house. Max did not like the shaking and told us so. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

He went back to bed (eventually), but I'm not sure either Brandon or I did.

So exciting.

What happens when you eat popcorn and protein bars during pregnancy?

You get a child who loves nothing more than to get into crap.

Max is ALL OVER THE PLACE lately. I swear he's going to be walking any day. He can pull himself up and take a few steps while holding on to something, and he is trying desperately to get from one place to the other no matter how dangerous the route.

He's out of control already.

Where's Maury when you need him?

****

And a side note: don't ever take Max out and give him mashed potatoes. He thinks they are for finger painting and flinging around the restaurant.

Believe it or not, Max is skinny!

Trust me. I know it does not look like it, but according to the doctor, Max is a bit on the puny side. He is 19 pounds, 10 oz, for his 9 month appt. This puts him at the 25th percentile!!!!!!!!!! He's suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper skinny! He's apparently average in height and he still has a small head. He can apparently start eating a few table foods now (like shredded cheese and yogurt) and can go up to the Stage 3 foods.

He did get one shot, and both Brandon and I were there to make him feel better. Of course, he sobbed hysterically as soon as the needle went in, but he sucked it up like a big boy when I picked him up.

The doctor wants Max to eat more. Soooooooooo......pizza for dinner tonight!

Max's firsts (all in one week!)

Last weekend, he said Mama, and since then, the firsts have kept coming.

Max is now able to go from laying down to a complete sitting position. He has been trying this for a while, and at last he has accomplished it.

He's also got his first toofer. It's official! The little toofer is poking through (bottomw row) and another one is trying to come through, too. Fortunately for us, Max doesn't really seem to mind getting toofers--or at least he's trying to be a big boy about it since he's not fussing or even letting us know he's upset or hurting. What a big buddy!

He's also regularly holding his own bottle now. It's about freaking time! He's been able to do it since he was about 4 months old, but he figured we could do it for him, so why waste the energy. I guess he's decided he would like to let us rest our arms a bit because he's grabbing on to his bottle and feeding himself now.

He also checked his first books from the liberry yesterday. Max and I went there after school and I let him crawl around the kids section and pick out his own books. He had a blast. I figure we'll do that every week.

Max said....

MAMA!

We were expecting "dada," because that's normally the first words, but not my Max.

Mama!

Max rocks my socks.

He's sleeping right now, so I feel I can talk about him without any reprisal. Hee hee.

I love Max so much, it's ridiculous. It's just been me and him today because of this damn snow, and it has been so nice. We've sang our favorite song like a million times (If You're Happy and You Know It), played in our pigpen, took a 2 hour nap (that was earlier in the day), jumped in our saucer till Mom told us to stop, ate some berries, ate some yum-yums (Gerber banana puffs), stared at the snow, and made a significant sized poopie.

He's just amazing. I know every parent thinks their child is the best, but I know that Max is the best. He's such an easy-going kid who loves to laugh, smile, and make poopie. Who wouldn't love that?

I love it when he first wakes up and I come to his crib to say "Hi!" and he gives me a smile like he hasn't seen me for days.

Why can't everyone be like that?

Lip smacker

Max has started to smack his lips and pretend to be eating. Man, it cracks me up to see him chomping on absolutely nothing.