Thoughts on turning 30.

I turned 30 yesterday.

This morning Brandon asked if I feel 30 and if I feel any different. Of course this is the sort of question that people ask everyone on their birthday, no matter how old they turn. But for some reason, I think most people consider the 30th birthday a "special" one, an "important" one, and a birthday that is just different from other birthdays.

While I don't feel 30 (I am not sure exactly what 30 feels like), I can say that I feel "different," not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual/emotional/mental sense. I feel like I see the world differently now, like I am some wise spiritual guru who just knows more. Because that's how it feels now--like I just know more (and not in the book sense).

Perhaps the single most important thing that I know now that I didn't 2 years ago, is that I love being a mom. I love everything there is about being Max's mom, even the temper tantrums when we have to leave the park. Sure, there are days where I get a little stressed out and need some time to myself, but more often than not, I can't think of a place I would rather be than chilling with Max. Obviously I am only 2 years into this gig, so it's a little early to judge, but I think I am pretty good at this mother thing. More importantly, though, I love it and can't see myself doing anything else.

New words, 23 months

At this point, Max is saying around 150 words at least. Here are a few of the new ones:

siren, sorry, blue, big (and he loves the combination of blue truck, big truck, and big blue truck), Cheerios, nut (short for Peanut, Lindsey's kid), bike (and he often combines this with "cool"), there you are, there it is, Lucy, Shell-Shell, sleep, nap, sad, dinner, help, get up, knock, roll up (as in a Fruit Roll Up), sneeze, salad, park, squirrel, poof (as in cheesey poof), and chimes.

In other news, last night Max had my make-up on his cheeks and was rolling his popper in mud puddles (yes, we were outside) over and over again.

Words Max can say at 21-22 months

At this point, Max can say nearly 100 words. Or at least, he says something very close to it, and we can understand what he's trying to say. So, in no particular order, here are all the words Max says:

hi, hello, bye, Mom, Dad, dog, Pippi, bear, giraffe, chair, banana, hair, eye, ear, toes, juice, cheese, chip, baby, milk, tit, berry, applesauce, egg, cat, monkey (mo-mo), bird, frog, duck, bug, yeah, yum, ball, star, fish, pig, car, truck, bus, light, up, off, on, book, hat, shirt, shoes, socks, bag, coat, thank you, bless you, uh-oh, shit, pee, poop, blues clues (boo-clu), notebook, clock, see, this, keys, water (wa-wa), no, excuse me, sit, choo-choo, hot, cool, Derick, trash, shut up, bad, boo-boo, door, tree, ick, house, tractor, night-night, back, bubble, bite, block, cuckoo, sink, grandpa, meow, tissue, cheeck, outside, hide, stick, rock, bench, owie, bowl, moon, turtle and deoxyribonucleic acid.

Pretty impressive, huh?

Luck and love

I went shopping today to get Max some Easter presents, and I spent too much. As always when it comes to Max, I go overboard, trying very hard to give him everything he could possibly want or need.

And as cliche as it sounds, all he really needs, and wants for that matter, is love. And I'm really good at giving him that. I don't know if it is because I love him more and more every day or just that he's more and more fun every day (or a combination of both), but I just love spending my time with Max. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and I sincerely feel like he is making me a better person because now I feel like I have a true purpose, a true something-to-live-for. I hope that Max knows how much I love him and how important his happiness is to me.

At the risk of using yet another cliche in this post (I know, how annoying!), I am learning as I "grow up" just how important family is. That is not to say I did not understand the importance of it prior to the birth of Max or my dad's cancer diagnosis, but I suppose I can just feel the importance of it more, not just "know" its importance.

To be honest, knowing and feeling just how much I love Max, Brandon, my parents, sisters, etc., actually makes me scared shitless. The fact that I love more and more every day scares me, especially with the reality of cancer smacking me in the face.

This just should not be happening to our family.

I have felt like one of the luckiest people in the world until recently. I have the most perfect son in the world and my love for him has made me feel more love than ever before in my entire life, and yet now I feel as if luck ain't nuffin, honey.

No Easter pic this year...

Max was too afraid of the bunny and clung to me, refusing to let go. He threw a major hissy fit, so we had to apologize to the photographer and leave. At least he said "bye bye" to the bunny (and we witnessed at least 3 other kids pulling a similar stunt so as to get out of the Easter Bunny picture).

Super Intelligent Things Momma Has Taught Max

-how to spit
-how to stick out our tongue
-how to make a frowny face
-"oh sh*t" (and this I am NOT proud of--trying to change it to "oh snap")
-how to roar!
-how to fake cry to get what we want
-how to hit the table and say "bad table" when we bump into the table
-how to put our feet in Miss Pippi's face so that she will lick them
-how to wipe when we go potty (he seriously tears the toilet paper and pretends to wipe as if he is a woman)
-super cool dance moves
-how to jump
-how to pick our nose
-how to throw stuff in the shopping cart that we want (without Dad noticing)
-how to moisturize our skin
-the art of applying make-up (Max particulary likes chapstick)
-how to pick locks

****In an effort to be balanced, Super Intelligent Things Daddy Has Taught Max****
-how to do important things on the computer
-how to make Momma's coffee
-how to blow soap suds off our fingers/toes
-how to turn on and off lights
-how to put the dog bowls up on the fridge
-how to fill the dogs' water bowls

Max's Wild and Crazy Spring Break

What he did....

--had ice cream from the ice cream man for the first time. He got a Sponge Bob Ice Cream.
--started saying "truck," but instead of sounding like "truck," he says, "fuck." And he says it like every time he sees a truck, which is about 452357023495o7234905702432 times a day. We keep correcting him, but he's not changing his MISpronunciation.
--cooked fish and a baby with Miss Sylvia at the YMCA. We joined the Y, and the nice child care attendant is a very sweet Cuban woman named Sylvia. Max was obviously hesitant to go to the kid section away from us and cried and screamed and just threw a major fit, but Miss Sylvia was very good with him and managed to calm him down every time. When Brandon and I went to go get Max after our workouts, we would find Max and Miss Sylvia playing in the kid kitchen and they were cooking a big plastic fish and Max had a toy doll in a sauce pan. Disturbing, huh? We will do swim lessons with Max at the Y starting mid-April. I am sure he'll have a blast.

Dear Aunt Kelly....

Many moons ago, I visited Grandma and Grandpa Ice's abode and came across a poor, homeless, malnourished, and rather unfashionable (read: naked!) baby doll. I quickly discovered that the doll was so malnourished that it ate its own fingers and toes. Rather than ignore the poor baby's neglect and terrible living conditions, I chose to pull a Brangelina and adopt the young child. She has been living under my loving care since then.

I have since named the poor lass "Baby," and I take her with me wherever I go. We have been on many an adventure together, and I cannot imagine my life without her. I share my titties with her, feed her, change her baby panties, provide her with soy milkie, and make sure she is exposed to great works of European literature.

It is my understanding that you are upset with Baby's residing with The Mr. Max. Do I need to remind you that The Mr. Max is just a baby? That you are an old hag? That the baby (Max) needs his Baby?

I will provide you 2 days to think about the error of your ways.

Sincerely,
Mr. Max

p.s.
You already made me cry once by telling me "no no." Do you really want to make me cry again by taking away my Baby?

Night night!

He said it! Also said "trash" (we were being good citizens and collecting trash at the park and putting it in the trash can) and, believe it or not, "owie zowie." I particularly liked it when he said that. Hee hee.

Crazy kid

Sometimes Max has giggle fits that last forever--he laughs and laughs hysterically and I have to remind him to breathe. It's fun to watch him laugh like that.

*****

Max officially loves the "kiss it and make it better" mantra. Anytime he bumps his head or runs into something, he immediately runs to me to kiss it.

For what it's worth, that makes me feel needed.

Words Max is saying now (18-19 months)

hello, hi, bye, mom, dad, up, on, doggie, duck, bug, pee (for poop), crash, bear, ick, clock, block, ball, Pippi, shirt, shoe, what's this, hold that, uh-oh, yum, bite, no, bad, hot, baby, see, Santa (at Christmas time), car, truck, thank you, bubble, ear, fish, banana, bless you, water, olive, bowl, juice

There's probably more, but that's all that comes to my head.

Now, the words he knows and comprehends but does not articulate--that's a few hundred at least.

addendum (6 Feb): Berries, applesauce

New blog

I have started a blog to detail my training for a half marathon:

ontherunagainfordad.blogspot.com

I hate cancer.

For the past three months, I have been struggling to somehow deal with my father's diagnosis of cancer. I am certain that I am not alone in saying that the past three months have been the most emotionally difficult time of our entire family's lives. I need to write--writing has always been a part of me--and yet it just hurts too much to write about it right now. Just writing this, I think, is a big step for me.

While I will never call cancer a gift, as I have heard other cancer patients and their families call it, I cannot deny that cancer is now making me look at life much, much differently. I realize now how important it is to be happy, and not just happy, but truly, truly happy because everything can change in an instant. I realize now how essential it is to love and be loved and to not let a day pass by without telling your loved ones you love them. And I realize how important it is to take care of yourself.

Each day is a struggle for me and I feel guilty for saying that because I can only imagine how difficult it is for my father. Each day something reminds me that my life just isn't the same anymore and it never will be again. I know how cliche it sounds, but I just keep thinking that one day I will wake up and find out this has all just been a really, really bad dream.

One can wish, right?

Why Max is smarter than you

10. He knows what a zebra, giraffe, elephant, monkey, and whooping crane are.

9. He is able to distinguish between Lucy, Pippi, and Shelley. Brandon and I tested him on this today and he passed. We gave him a toy and told him to give it to Pippi and he did, then Shelley and he did, etc. I was very proud!

8. He can push the buttons on the tv, dvd player, and computer so that I can't work it anymore.

7. He understands the importance of going green; he turns off the lights when he leaves the room.

6. He knows that if he just asks Momma then he'll get it.

5. He recognizes the commercial jingles we sang to him in utero. For real. We sang the Schnucks song, Empire Carpet, and Shop-n-save jingles. Every time these commercials come on the telly, he stops, smiles at us, and dances. He does not really do this to other jingles. Freakkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyy........

4. He can feed his babies.

3. He can pick up the phone when it rings and hand it to Momma.

2. He points to his booty when he pooooooops.

1. He's way cuter than you will ever be.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Max acquired a great deal of loot this Christmas:

--14 books
--2 pairs of pants
--4 shirts
--3 sets of pajamas, one of them Superman
--1 pair of tennis shoes
--giant jumpy center with balls
--shopping cart
--2 toy cars
--magnadoodle
--bowling set
--Build-a-bear with Grandma and Grandpa Ice's voices
--crazy spin thing
--dump truck with blocks
--stuffed dog
--3 puzzles
--stocking stuffers--crazy bath colors, conditioner, chocolate, football, squishy ball, mardi gras beads

We all had a very nice day and we wish everyone else a merry Christmas.

Top Ten things that make Max just plain weird....

10. He is perhaps the only known child to eat olives, grapefruit and rice cakes.

9. He puts his face in one dog's face and won't move on to the next dog until he gets a kiss.

8. He runs around with nothing on but his baby panties, Mardi Gras beads and a smile.

7. He sleeps with his azz in the air.

6. He wears our underwear on his head.

5. He talks into Mama's cleavage as though it were a walkie-talkie.

4. He pretends anything and everything is a phone.

3. He knocks over all the shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles into the tub without fail every time he enters the bathroom.

2. He continually plays with a toy cement truck that he is afraid of.

1. He tries to feed macaroni to his toes.

We never realized...

how much fun it is to post embarrassing pictures of our child.

till now, that is.

Catching up

So my mother informed me that I have not posted in a while, and this is true. I think it is fair to say that we all have had a lot on our minds lately and posting here, unfortunately, has taken a backseat.

And yet in the midst of all of this, Max has become more important to me than ever. Max is the one person in the world that can make me smile, no matter how much I am still desperately trying to make sense of it all. I still shed a few tears every day--I can't help it--but Max somehow makes me feel better.

Perhaps it is because he is so completely ridiculous. He has been "running" for a while now, and when he runs, it just cracks me up. He gets his knees very high and he just looks.....stupid. And then he runs in place when I ask him if he wants a snack--that's how excited he gets for a snack, I guess.

And the foods he loves are so strange. He loves olives. The kid could eat an entire can of black olives if I let him. He tries to open the refrigerator to get the olives I keep in there. He's also discovered the beauty of ketchup. On top of that, he enjoys pepperoni. Ick.

One of the other things that Max has been doing lately that just cracks me up is wearing bling. We have several Mardi Gras beads and he puts them on as he runs around the house. When he can't find the beads, he puts dog leashes on or electrical cords and treats them like necklaces. Crazy kid.

And let's not forget the fact that Max has decided to wear underwear on his head. For real. We had a pile of laundry on the couch last week, and Max took a pair of my underwear and put it on his head and laughed about it.

That's enough to make anyone smile.

Max's vocabulary at 16 months

Max can understand a ridiculous number of words; it's crazy how we can talk to him and knows exactly what we are saying. We give him commands and he follows them and we ask questions and he "answers" (for example, if I ask him if he wants a banana, he goes to the table and points to the fruit bowl).

But when it comes to actually saying words, he is right now saying just these:
-ass (for "crash").
-uh-oh
-da-da
-ma-ma
-doggy
-duck
-yum

I am certain other people might hear other words from him, but these are the legitimate words we know he is saying and can understand.

Nothing makes me sadder...

than Max acting like he doesn't even need or want me.

I am getting so heartsick lately--when I come to pick Max up from the sitter's lately (past 2 weeks or so), Max has completely ignored my existence and continued to play.

Just breaks my heart.