OMG.

My parents have Nelly Furtado's "Say It Right" on their IPOD and it is playing right now.

OMG.

My wish

As the summer comes to a close and spending every hour of every day with Max nears its end, I am not only constantly wishing I could spend all this time with him during the school year (seriously--Mister and I have a blast dancing and harassing the dogs all day), but also wishing that Max could have these memories.

It's bittersweet that the first couple of years of a person's life are the years in which you have no memory of. I know I don't. I don't even know what my first memory is. For some reason, the memory that comes to mind is seeing a dead snake in the street in our home in California. I have no idea how old I was, maybe 4?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish that Max could have with him forever the memories of us standing by the stereo and shaking our booty (we do this every day--it's his way of dancing), playing peekaboo behind the curtains, kissing each other's toes, and many more. I wish that he could have with him forever the feeling of all the love that Brandon and I have for him, a feeling that is certainly easier to share and feel when you are so young.

I suppose my memory of all of these happy times has to be enough for both Max and myself, but if I could have anything in the world right now, it would be for him to have those memories and my love for him (and his toes) for himself.

Max's favorites

Book: Perfect Pets. It's a touch-n-feel board book. He has us read it about 57 times a day. I actually think I have the sucker memorized.

Food: Pizza. Duh.

Fruit: Icy cold watermelon

Vegetable: Green beans, lima beans, peas, pretty much any veggie

Breakfast: Blueberry pancakes

Dog: Shelley

Toy: Anything that is not supposed to be a toy--e.g., milk jugs and boxes from the recycling bin, toilet paper roll, bowls, etc.

New favorite hobbies: Opening and closing the kitchen door, throwing Bill Cosby into the toilet, picking up chicks at the mall, dialing long distance numbers

Words to say: doggy

Room of the house: bathroom

Parent to smack in the face: Mom

Parent's feet to kiss: Mom

Parent's hair to pull: Mom

Parent to flash his grin and dimples at when s/he says "no": Mom

Parent to "obey": Dad

Hope you're not toooooo attached.....

because Max has GOT to go.

His first real discriminate word is not mama. Not even dada.

BUT DOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's been saying mama and dada for forever now and "da" also for dog, but he truly, really knows what he's saying when he says "da" or "doggy." I still don't think he has a clue when he says mama or dada.

And in fact that's pretty much all he says now. He runs up to one of the dogs and says "da" or "doggy."

I hate him. I mean, I was in labor 19 hours and had a near-death experience with my freaking epidural, and his first real word is DOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Max's Skills: A Cumulative List at 1 Year

-sticking out tongue (I have been working on this for a while, and we have finally seen success with this most excellent skill).
-is able to steal stealthily other children's toys when playing at the mall.
-Understands the following very important commands: can you get that light for me, give that ball to that doggy, find momma/daddy, pet that doggy/say hi to that doggy, bring me that book/toy/shoe/titty, come here, don't you dare (which he interprets as "do that, please")
-Walking (he started literally at 12 months. He can go about 50 steps and walks from his room to the kitchen.
-Can climb the stairs from the basement to kitchen.
-Knocks things on the side of the bathtub into the tub 2 times daily.
-Is able to barge in on momma/dadda unexpectedly when momma/dadda is urinating and thinks this is a funny joke.
-Has discovered the fun one can have with a roll of toilet paper.
-Knows--and likes--that a soup bowl can make a wonderful helmet.
-Dance moves are quite impressive.
-Can feed dogs the food that he is supposed to be eating. It's funny to watch because it appears as if he is taking turns giving each dog their own share.
-Can open and close the kitchen door.
-Can stick own toes in mouth.
-Waves bye-bye.
-Can laugh at his own toots.
-Can produce squeals that break the sound barrier.
-Says the following words: momma, dadda, huzzah, oh shit/bullshit, da (for dog), quadratic formula, encyclopedia

Based upon this list, Max is clearly a very gifted young man. I mean, how many 1 year olds even know what "quadratic formula" means?

I rest my case.

Max: Even the Trannies Love Him

We were at the post office today mailing off the 1 year pics and we were waited on by a tranny. 4 real. This was the MANliest woMAN I have ever seen. Anyway, s/he just loved Max. "SHE is soooooooooooooooooooo cute," s/he exclaimed. "SHE is going to be a real heartbreaker!"

Yes, s/he did confuse Max for a girl--despite the fact that he was wearing blue.

But whatever--it doesn't matter because it just shoes how even trannies can tell a cute baby when they see them.

In other news, Max had his 1 year appt today. He weighs 22 lbs, 3 oz (a little below average) and is a bit over 30 inches tall (just above average). So we're still skinnnnny!!!!

Max's email to Dad

> i'm pretty popular. my name is max. i just got back from the mall. it> was fun. mom was proud of herself because she opened the stroller, drove> us there, and got us back. she was not able to close the stroller,> though. hahahahahahahahahahaha. i made 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend.> he was weird. one of my girlfriends kept holding my hand and hugging me.> my other girlfriend was older and was helping me climb on things. my weird> boyfriend was really freaking me out. he was prolly like 4 years old and> was crawling and walking right next to me with his face in my face. super> freaky. and now i'm back and mama made me a snack which i fed to the> dogs. then i shat and she cleaned it up. i am popular.

(editor's note: Mr. Max played at the kids' play area at the mall and was apparently quite popular.)